My mom is going to have a kidney transplant soon hopefully. I am so nervous and worried and scared. I'm petrified actually. Sometimes talking to her is like talking to a child, or a crazy woman. Her kidneys are pretty much done she is in last stages or whatever that means. She is on a list to get a kidney...we are waiting now.

Please pray for us.

Another Year in the Shanty...Maryland Here I Come

So I shouldn't complain because I have a roof over my head. BUT i am going to. Because I feel like it. So I have to spend another year in this apartment...its my fault and I'm not happy about it. I wont go into detail but since we will be staying here I have decided to really turn this hole into a home. Hang up pictures and mirrors and stuff I was saving for my next nice apartment.

We will be getting out of debt before we move, then we will be buying a house. End of conversation. I hate it when Q asserts his kingliness and I have no choice but to bow down and kiss his ring. I mean I hate it but I love it...it kinda turns me on and infuriates me at the same time.

So here I am...still same address, another year lease. But truth is I al lazy and really didnt even feel like moving. I will probably be living here until we have a kid and are forced to move! Arg! Like I said Im not blaming him its totally my fault we arent moving...i said Im leaving it at that.

Im going home next week and Im so happy. I can't wait to go to restaurants that arent chains...be in culturally diverse surrounding and engage in intelligent conversation! March 5th cant come fast enough! See you all soon!!!!

Home Woes

Looking for a place to live when you arent rolling in the dough is exhausting.

Im was looking at rentals. Then I got Q's approval to look at purchasing something. But we dont have a freaking down payment. The realtor said we would need like thirteen thousand down...which really isnt that much for a DP. We dont have anything...so i guess we will be renting. But I really dont want an apartment...I want to be able to bbq.

We will see...I started early but I feel like Im last minute. It will work itself out but im NOT staying in this dump any longer than the end of my lease.

We had the Bradleys over for dinner last night. I made salmon, veggies, rice and mac and cheese (just because i wanted it). Also made honeybun cake and we had ice cream. It was so fun and i love love love entertaining. To bad I dont have a bigger place and more friends in da'ville.

They have the cutest daughter...it made me want my own. But Im content that when God blesses us then I will have my own. We have chosen a name Yuri Sophia Clay. I wanted Sophia and Q wanted Yuuki. You all probably dont watch anime or read manga but we do. One of our faves is Vampire Night. The main character is Yuuki...I refuse to name my daughter Yuuki. Refuse. Refuse. Refuse. So I settled for Yuri and its growing on me.

Signing off.

Big Person (Im rambling today...)

"An eye for an eye makes the world blind..."

So my sister and I were kind of going back and forth about planning Jessica's shower. And i got extremely upset, because I can have a short fuse. And Quenton was like, just let it go. Just say ok and keep doing what you are going to do. And I was like, "NO, Im tired of dealing with this, I have to say whats on my mind!" And he was like, "Well remember in bible study, we were talking about not speaking right away. You have the opportunity to be the bigger person, so you shouldnt say anything." I said something anyway. Then I told him, "Well Im sorry your wife's is such a disappointment to you."

I can be such a wench. And I know that. But my sisters and I resolved our issues two minutes later because thats just how we work. Anyone with sisters knows this to be true.

But why do I feel the need to strike back when I feel wronged. I guess the fact that my job is to take whatever treatment people want to give I dont want to have to take it in my everyday life. But most people have to take crap from other people what makes me any better not to have to take it?

What if everyone lashed out when someone lashed out or did something bad to them! It would be a world full of victims and victimizers. Why is it so hard to let things go sometimes? I dont know. What I do know is if you do let it go, you feel so much better. (Im speaking about myself...apparently i need to start leaving disclaimers)

So yeah thats my public service announcement. Why hold on to stuff? Why let another persons behavior dictate how you interact with others and experience life. Why let someone occupy space in your mind and heart. Taking control of the situation is bidding that person farewell and wishing them well in all that they do, understanding that you are not losing but really gaining. (still on myself...take it how you will).

Im so free right now its crazy. Im so happy right now...because the reasons why I wouldnt normally be happy Ive let go. My plans for revenge and push back or deaded.

So yeah...if someone pokes you in the eye and you poke them in the eye and then they poke you in the eye...you are both blind. Where do you poke next? You cant even see the person or anyone else for that matter. So what happens when someone can see comes and slaps you on the back of the head...how do you react then?

Im glad Im smart now than I was ten minutes ago!

After GLow

Awww Valentines Day was so fun. I got flowers, I got Q a Tribe Called Quest CD and Peanut M&M's (homemade card) and we cooked dinner together. We ate it under the warm glow of the two unity candles we lit on our wedding day...and spent hours talking and enjoying one anothers company.

We are kinda making ends meet right now so we couldn't spend more than twenty dollars on each other! I love it when we have to be creative. With me I'm all about the element of surprise; I don't care what the gift is. And I didnt think he did anything until i went to get a water out of the fridge and my flowers were sitting in there! LOL He is so sweet...

Easy Does It...

I have a bunch of chicken breast and a laziness I can't seem to shake. So when faced with chicken and the strong desire not to cook...tonight I did what I always do! I made Salsa chicken. Chicken breast, taco seasoning, salsa...baked and topped with jack cheese. Ohhhhhh so good!

I'm taking it easy.

Q and I are moving, to another apartment. Because this one is ghetto and falling apart. They are trying to patch it up...literally. But its like putting a band-aid on a knife wound. Plus there is no washer dryer connection and I have had enough on shared machines and stuff.

I'm taking it easy.

I need a new computer. I have had this Mac powerbook for a really long time. But it's still going strong. So I'm going to save my money.

I'm taking it easy.

I'm so tired of these racist McDonalds commercials. But the nuggets taste so good with that sweet and sour sauce. And that orange drink...I mean its only Hi-C Orange but why does it taste so much better than the Hi-C anywhere else.

How come they don't have commercials geared towards Hispanics, Italians, Asians, Irish...I mean I can think of a bunch of ignorance to try to sell them Mcnuggets!!! We could have the Asians studying and eating McNuggets and rice. The Irish can be in a pub, eating McNuggests and drinking beer (of course they will be wearing green). The Italians can be all mobbish and eat McNuggets while burrying a body. The Indians can be in a big bright colorful room all baliwoodish and eat nuggets and fries while dancing around. I mean you catch my drift. Why do the black people in all McDonalds commercial have to sing, dance or sing and dance.

Anyways.

I'm watching the NAACP Image Awards. What a joke. We have a netflix arrival. I'm going to turn that one instead of this. Because Sean Combs just won an award for acting.

My Bed..

I have to be logged into my system at 6 am, so I have to wake up at 4:45. The first day was hades. Today was great because I went to bed at 8 pm last night. Tomorrow I hope to be a little more used to it. Its kinda surreal to leave work early and see the light of day. I love it. Its a miracle.

Im on this whole thanking God for miracles in my life...big and small. A miracle is a miracle. And me getting off at 2:30 pm is a miracle.

Anyways. I was shopping online today. Well I was looking rather because I cant actually buy anything not on heavy clearance until May. Then Im kind of like, spring is coming and why should i buy any more winter stuff. Plus we are moving and if I keep buying stuff that will be more to pack, move, unpack and hang back up. I will pass.

So Im going to quote Lil' Wayne...who I cant stand because everything I believe in he opposes and vice versa. But he seems to have a great work ethic. I see through him though. He says he is a thug several times in the interview he did with Katie Couric (google it) but he is a nerd. Yeah he is totally posing!

"If you need an example for how to live, then you just shouldnt have been born."

I love that! I hate how people always blame their examples or role models (or lack thereof) for their behavior and choices. Be accountable. Be responsible. Sleep in the bed you made...be it one of dirt and rocks (deathbed), or water (drowning), or roses (full of thorns) or be it a big fluffy comfy bed with lots of pillows. I think I have made a regular bed. Its just a plain queen sized bed thats nice and firm. Its not the fanciest thing, but its suits me just fine! Its enough room for Q and I to lay in it together. We dont like a whole lot of fancy pillows either because you can't enjoy your bed with all that crap all over it anyways! Its a waste of money and space...it just looks pretty and isnt functional at all.

But I love that he said that and I wanted to share it.

I must go lay in my bed now...since I have to wake up super early! Be blessed all!

Keep The Old...

I remember when I was in Girl Scouts (Brownies to be specific), we used to sing a song that went, "Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the others gold. A wheel is round that never ends, that's how long I'll be your friend!"

Im blessed to have such well rounded, gorgeous, intelligent, fun friends! Even though we may not see each other all the time or talk all the time...it doesnt diminish our love for one another!

Jennifer keep your head up. You are the siz-nit...no matter what!

Diane came to nashville and I am so glad I got to see her and meet her Dr. McHottie! We have been friends since the second grade. And always seem to meet up every few years in a place coffee and muffins are served!

Hanging out with Diane makes me long for more familiar faces! But I have to put on my big girl panties and stick it out in Nashvegas for the time being!!!