Wednesday, January 28, 2009


...what can I say about my trip. I went to Barbados...and then it was time to go home. We had fun but it was more of a self exploration. There is something about standing on a cliff overlooking the ocean and being engulfed in a serenity, a calm if you will. I feel like I came back..wiser and stronger. Just because I had some issues, some things I was dealing with that I had to let go of.

1. Will I ever graduate from college?

1a. I came back went to the human resources office and got a tuition reimbursement paper. I was going to sign up for classes starting this summer. Id be a great teacher I told myself. But the calmer, stronger, more courageous me said..."you don't want to be a teacher". I know what I want to do. I want to design clothing for plus sized women. I have been dreaming about doing it for years. I know I dont want to be a teacher but I was getting ready to settle for it. (Why do we settle for less than the best/our best?) Instead on my lunch I went to the computer haven, got online and got info to sign up for the next sewing class. Its February 5th at Joanns Fabric. Im excited, im nervous, im going to walk toward my dream. It is a slower processes than running but i will eventually get there.

2. Will I be fat all my life?

2a. Hopefully not. But Im fat now and thats all there is to it. When I get ready I will get back into shape. But I need to accept where I am and be happy in this skin, and love myself regardless. Im pretty smoking hot! How do I know this? Well Q tells me all the time, men try to pick me up with my wedding ring shining, but I just know. Im a beautiful person...inside and out. I have to tell myself this and believe it.

3. Will I ever get out of Nashville?

3a. Do I really care where I am? I am with the man I love and who loves me back. I can visit my family and when I have kids I can just send them with my parents during the summer. I was in Maryland and I was miserable so why am I trying to go back there so bad. Ive been blessed in Nashville, so as long as Im here I need to make the best of it and enjoy my surroundings.

I processed through a lot of other stuff but those are the main things that were plaguing me. None of it defines me though so its whatever. Life is too short for me to be worrying about stuff thats not even important. Im working on having faith and being content in 2009.

So for a few pictures!!!

I was so busy taking pictures of everything and everyone else I barely got any of me. But here I am!!! It was soooo hot earlier in the makeup slid off immediately! But its Barbados...who cares.

Melissa and Evan got married on a cliff overlooking the sea. It was absolutely breathtaking! Everything was beautiful...

We did a Catamaran Tour around the waters of Barbados. I have always wanted to do it. I snorkled and swam with the turtles. I wore my bathing suit in the water without a cover up for the first time ever!!! I really had a great time besides the wedding this was another great part of the trip!

This is the day before we left the island. It rained all day and I had an emotional breakdown that evening. I sat outside of a restaurant on the phone with my husband sobbing like nobodies business. Im glad because through it all this smile emerged!!!!

When I get all the pics I will post some more of the sights...the lush vegetation and serene yet savage waters of Barbados!


  1. Im glad you had fun.

    Thanks for your posts/comments.

    Life gets hard sometimes especially now, with the divorce and my health, and my house and my lack of money and my limbo in between jobs..

    Sometimes I just feel like I cant take it. But I am trying my hardest to stay strong. But honestly it is hard when you feel so weak.

    Sometimes I feel like God is beating me down with a hard rubber bat, and at the same time telling me to stand up! "Are you serious!" I often ask myself. "How the hell can I stand up if you keep beating me down...are you trying to prove a point?" Regardless, thanks for the support.

  2. Also I LOVE your black and white dress. Very adorable. Was that part of the wedding or did you choose that yourself?