Home Woes

Looking for a place to live when you arent rolling in the dough is exhausting.

Im was looking at rentals. Then I got Q's approval to look at purchasing something. But we dont have a freaking down payment. The realtor said we would need like thirteen thousand down...which really isnt that much for a DP. We dont have anything...so i guess we will be renting. But I really dont want an apartment...I want to be able to bbq.

We will see...I started early but I feel like Im last minute. It will work itself out but im NOT staying in this dump any longer than the end of my lease.

We had the Bradleys over for dinner last night. I made salmon, veggies, rice and mac and cheese (just because i wanted it). Also made honeybun cake and we had ice cream. It was so fun and i love love love entertaining. To bad I dont have a bigger place and more friends in da'ville.

They have the cutest daughter...it made me want my own. But Im content that when God blesses us then I will have my own. We have chosen a name Yuri Sophia Clay. I wanted Sophia and Q wanted Yuuki. You all probably dont watch anime or read manga but we do. One of our faves is Vampire Night. The main character is Yuuki...I refuse to name my daughter Yuuki. Refuse. Refuse. Refuse. So I settled for Yuri and its growing on me.

Signing off.

Big Person (Im rambling today...)

"An eye for an eye makes the world blind..."

So my sister and I were kind of going back and forth about planning Jessica's shower. And i got extremely upset, because I can have a short fuse. And Quenton was like, just let it go. Just say ok and keep doing what you are going to do. And I was like, "NO, Im tired of dealing with this, I have to say whats on my mind!" And he was like, "Well remember in bible study, we were talking about not speaking right away. You have the opportunity to be the bigger person, so you shouldnt say anything." I said something anyway. Then I told him, "Well Im sorry your wife's is such a disappointment to you."

I can be such a wench. And I know that. But my sisters and I resolved our issues two minutes later because thats just how we work. Anyone with sisters knows this to be true.

But why do I feel the need to strike back when I feel wronged. I guess the fact that my job is to take whatever treatment people want to give I dont want to have to take it in my everyday life. But most people have to take crap from other people what makes me any better not to have to take it?

What if everyone lashed out when someone lashed out or did something bad to them! It would be a world full of victims and victimizers. Why is it so hard to let things go sometimes? I dont know. What I do know is if you do let it go, you feel so much better. (Im speaking about myself...apparently i need to start leaving disclaimers)

So yeah thats my public service announcement. Why hold on to stuff? Why let another persons behavior dictate how you interact with others and experience life. Why let someone occupy space in your mind and heart. Taking control of the situation is bidding that person farewell and wishing them well in all that they do, understanding that you are not losing but really gaining. (still on myself...take it how you will).

Im so free right now its crazy. Im so happy right now...because the reasons why I wouldnt normally be happy Ive let go. My plans for revenge and push back or deaded.

So yeah...if someone pokes you in the eye and you poke them in the eye and then they poke you in the eye...you are both blind. Where do you poke next? You cant even see the person or anyone else for that matter. So what happens when someone can see comes and slaps you on the back of the head...how do you react then?

Im glad Im smart now than I was ten minutes ago!

After GLow

Awww Valentines Day was so fun. I got flowers, I got Q a Tribe Called Quest CD and Peanut M&M's (homemade card) and we cooked dinner together. We ate it under the warm glow of the two unity candles we lit on our wedding day...and spent hours talking and enjoying one anothers company.

We are kinda making ends meet right now so we couldn't spend more than twenty dollars on each other! I love it when we have to be creative. With me I'm all about the element of surprise; I don't care what the gift is. And I didnt think he did anything until i went to get a water out of the fridge and my flowers were sitting in there! LOL He is so sweet...

Easy Does It...

I have a bunch of chicken breast and a laziness I can't seem to shake. So when faced with chicken and the strong desire not to cook...tonight I did what I always do! I made Salsa chicken. Chicken breast, taco seasoning, salsa...baked and topped with jack cheese. Ohhhhhh so good!

I'm taking it easy.

Q and I are moving, to another apartment. Because this one is ghetto and falling apart. They are trying to patch it up...literally. But its like putting a band-aid on a knife wound. Plus there is no washer dryer connection and I have had enough on shared machines and stuff.

I'm taking it easy.

I need a new computer. I have had this Mac powerbook for a really long time. But it's still going strong. So I'm going to save my money.

I'm taking it easy.

I'm so tired of these racist McDonalds commercials. But the nuggets taste so good with that sweet and sour sauce. And that orange drink...I mean its only Hi-C Orange but why does it taste so much better than the Hi-C anywhere else.

How come they don't have commercials geared towards Hispanics, Italians, Asians, Irish...I mean I can think of a bunch of ignorance to try to sell them Mcnuggets!!! We could have the Asians studying and eating McNuggets and rice. The Irish can be in a pub, eating McNuggests and drinking beer (of course they will be wearing green). The Italians can be all mobbish and eat McNuggets while burrying a body. The Indians can be in a big bright colorful room all baliwoodish and eat nuggets and fries while dancing around. I mean you catch my drift. Why do the black people in all McDonalds commercial have to sing, dance or sing and dance.

Anyways.

I'm watching the NAACP Image Awards. What a joke. We have a netflix arrival. I'm going to turn that one instead of this. Because Sean Combs just won an award for acting.

My Bed..

I have to be logged into my system at 6 am, so I have to wake up at 4:45. The first day was hades. Today was great because I went to bed at 8 pm last night. Tomorrow I hope to be a little more used to it. Its kinda surreal to leave work early and see the light of day. I love it. Its a miracle.

Im on this whole thanking God for miracles in my life...big and small. A miracle is a miracle. And me getting off at 2:30 pm is a miracle.

Anyways. I was shopping online today. Well I was looking rather because I cant actually buy anything not on heavy clearance until May. Then Im kind of like, spring is coming and why should i buy any more winter stuff. Plus we are moving and if I keep buying stuff that will be more to pack, move, unpack and hang back up. I will pass.

So Im going to quote Lil' Wayne...who I cant stand because everything I believe in he opposes and vice versa. But he seems to have a great work ethic. I see through him though. He says he is a thug several times in the interview he did with Katie Couric (google it) but he is a nerd. Yeah he is totally posing!

"If you need an example for how to live, then you just shouldnt have been born."

I love that! I hate how people always blame their examples or role models (or lack thereof) for their behavior and choices. Be accountable. Be responsible. Sleep in the bed you made...be it one of dirt and rocks (deathbed), or water (drowning), or roses (full of thorns) or be it a big fluffy comfy bed with lots of pillows. I think I have made a regular bed. Its just a plain queen sized bed thats nice and firm. Its not the fanciest thing, but its suits me just fine! Its enough room for Q and I to lay in it together. We dont like a whole lot of fancy pillows either because you can't enjoy your bed with all that crap all over it anyways! Its a waste of money and space...it just looks pretty and isnt functional at all.

But I love that he said that and I wanted to share it.

I must go lay in my bed now...since I have to wake up super early! Be blessed all!

Keep The Old...

I remember when I was in Girl Scouts (Brownies to be specific), we used to sing a song that went, "Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the others gold. A wheel is round that never ends, that's how long I'll be your friend!"

Im blessed to have such well rounded, gorgeous, intelligent, fun friends! Even though we may not see each other all the time or talk all the time...it doesnt diminish our love for one another!

Jennifer keep your head up. You are the siz-nit...no matter what!

Diane came to nashville and I am so glad I got to see her and meet her Dr. McHottie! We have been friends since the second grade. And always seem to meet up every few years in a place coffee and muffins are served!

Hanging out with Diane makes me long for more familiar faces! But I have to put on my big girl panties and stick it out in Nashvegas for the time being!!!

Barbados

Sooo...what can I say about my trip. I went to Barbados...and then it was time to go home. We had fun but it was more of a self exploration. There is something about standing on a cliff overlooking the ocean and being engulfed in a serenity, a calm if you will. I feel like I came back..wiser and stronger. Just because I had some issues, some things I was dealing with that I had to let go of.

1. Will I ever graduate from college?


1a. I came back went to the human resources office and got a tuition reimbursement paper. I was going to sign up for classes starting this summer. Id be a great teacher I told myself. But the calmer, stronger, more courageous me said..."you don't want to be a teacher". I know what I want to do. I want to design clothing for plus sized women. I have been dreaming about doing it for years. I know I dont want to be a teacher but I was getting ready to settle for it. (Why do we settle for less than the best/our best?) Instead on my lunch I went to the computer haven, got online and got info to sign up for the next sewing class. Its February 5th at Joanns Fabric. Im excited, im nervous, im going to walk toward my dream. It is a slower processes than running but i will eventually get there.

2. Will I be fat all my life?

2a. Hopefully not. But Im fat now and thats all there is to it. When I get ready I will get back into shape. But I need to accept where I am and be happy in this skin, and love myself regardless. Im pretty smoking hot! How do I know this? Well Q tells me all the time, men try to pick me up with my wedding ring shining, but I just know. Im a beautiful person...inside and out. I have to tell myself this and believe it.

3. Will I ever get out of Nashville?

3a. Do I really care where I am? I am with the man I love and who loves me back. I can visit my family and when I have kids I can just send them with my parents during the summer. I was in Maryland and I was miserable so why am I trying to go back there so bad. Ive been blessed in Nashville, so as long as Im here I need to make the best of it and enjoy my surroundings.

I processed through a lot of other stuff but those are the main things that were plaguing me. None of it defines me though so its whatever. Life is too short for me to be worrying about stuff thats not even important. Im working on having faith and being content in 2009.

So for a few pictures!!!



















I was so busy taking pictures of everything and everyone else I barely got any of me. But here I am!!! It was soooo hot earlier in the day...my makeup slid off immediately! But its Barbados...who cares.




















Melissa and Evan got married on a cliff overlooking the sea. It was absolutely breathtaking! Everything was beautiful...




We did a Catamaran Tour around the waters of Barbados. I have always wanted to do it. I snorkled and swam with the turtles. I wore my bathing suit in the water without a cover up for the first time ever!!! I really had a great time besides the wedding this was another great part of the trip!


This is the day before we left the island. It rained all day and I had an emotional breakdown that evening. I sat outside of a restaurant on the phone with my husband sobbing like nobodies business. Im glad because through it all this smile emerged!!!!

When I get all the pics I will post some more of the sights...the lush vegetation and serene yet savage waters of Barbados!